Monday, July 10, 2006

Adorable Children



















I know I'm biased in thinking that my friends have particularly well behaved and adorable children. But really - they just are! Herewith, proof, at least of their physical cuteness. I visited my friend Ruth this weekend, and took these photos. First, there's Emma, now five.


















And here's Dash, all of two. He has a fondness for machinery already. At this point he can't operate a car or a saw, so he has fun with simpler tools, like this juicer, or the mop and bucket. He needs to come over to my place and make me some fresh squeezed orange juice before tending to my hardwood floors.

As you can see, Dash is a redhead, so I sometimes feel like he might be mistaken for mine when I'm pushing him on the swing at the park while Ruth is off playing hide and seek with Emma. But both kids really do look like their lovely Mom.

For more proof that my friends have adorable children, scroll down to see Hunter and Logan playing with sparklers. Although my obvious talent for photography might have something to do with it too... cough cough.

Friday, July 07, 2006

Sparklers




Remember when sparklers were the coolest thing, and you couldn't wait to write your name with them on the Fourth of July? I got a chance to recall that kind of excitement at a friends' BBQ on the 4th.

Maritza lit up the sticks for the kids, who reacted warily at first to the jumpy fire at the other end.

But pretty soon they were jumping around, throwing down poppers, swinging those sparklers like swords.

You gotta love Burbank, that bastion of suburban life. You can't buy sparklers there -- Maritza had to go all the way to Asuza to find some. But they had a fiery display spurted out from the Starlight Bowl that led to a traffic jam of SUVs in the Burbank foothills.

We adults, full of barbecued meat, veggies, and Death by Chocolate, lounged nearby and awaited the fireworks, which burst nearly overhead thanks to Pam and Scott's excellent location. We concluded, that amortized over 30 years of July 4ths, the view of the fireworks had to add at least a quarter of a million to the value of their home.

Young Hunter's commentary during the display was even more entertaining than the fireworks themselves. During one burst he said, "It's a puppy!"

The Emmy's - Now with Only One Foot in the Grave!



My latest and most popular column so far is up at Monsters and Critics (http://smallscreen.monstersandcritics.com). I take the Emmys to task and am rather opinionated, shall we say, in my views. One opinion begets another, so there are already a few comments from readers. Some praise me. Some say I am "very small in my thought." Whatever -- it's all good! Hate me, but read me!

Monday, June 19, 2006

What to Watch This Summer


My latest column shamelessly uses the tried and true "List" to get your attention. I'm sure you've noticed how ubiquitous lists are in magazines these days. People love debate. They enjoy comparing their own thoughts rankings with a writer's opinion. We writers are happy to use that to get you to read our stuff.

So check out my list of top ten things to watch on TV this summer season at http://smallscreen.monstersandcritics.com and compare it to your own private list. Curse me for a fool, or laud me as a genius, but just check it out. We writers love attention!

Friday, June 16, 2006

Movies for the Dead















I joined a group of friends at the cemetery for a movie the other night. Every summer, Hollywood Forever, cemetery to the stars, hosts movies on Saturday nights. Yes, it's rather appalling to think of "Philadelphia Story" (a great movie, by the way) being projected onto the wall of a mausoleum while picnickers enjoy wine and cheese not far from the tomb of Douglas Fairbanks and one of the Ramones. It's disrespectful, I suppose. When I discussed this outing with friends at work, they expressed a distaste for disturbing the dead in such a manner.

But I enjoyed it. I've always liked cemeteries -- they are not only peaceful, but fascinating. We're all so afraid of death. How we decide to mark our deaths provides a fascinating show for those left behind. And Hollywood Forever contains the remains of Rudolph Valentino and Mary Pickford. What better way to celebrate them than to watch the very medium that made them famous amongst their crypts? When I went to Paris, I visited Pere-Lachaise cemetery and found Oscar Wilde's tomb covered with lipstick kisses. I couldn't help wondering - were most of them put there by men or women? Was Oscar's shade uttering excoriating witticisms on this foolishness, or did he appreciate it? Just how long does a lipstick kiss last when smooched onto stone, anyway?

Just to clarify - at Hollywood Forever, picnickers are not actually seated on or near tombstones during the films. There's a big grassy area where you can drop your blanket or set up your beach chair. We established our enclave at the foot of a large mausoleum, but we did not touch it, since the resident had fortuitously built an iron fence around it to keep picnickers at bay. Port-a potties, with electric lights inside, stood by at the other end of the grassy area to accomodate those particular needs. Loud, bass-heavy dance music pounded incongruously at us as DJ continued to pick songs utterly inappropriate to either our location or the movie selection. I think I recognized a Prince song at one point, but the vocals and upper registers were so faint, it was nearly impossible to tell.

As Valerie and I ate grapes, salad, and cheese, sipped a fine merlot, and chatted with her friends Vanessa and Monty, a full golden moon rose over the palm trees. Night fell, and I reclined as the movie revved up and took the crowd by storm. At first the sound was almost too echoy to for comprehension. But my ears quickly assimilated. The only obstacles to enjoyment were my aching back (note to self: next time bring a beach chair), the couple in front of me, who would snuggle and kiss at unpredictable intervals, blocking my view at crucial dramatic moments (note to self: curse all couples for snuggling while I recline alone), and the fireworks, which began around 10:30 on the Paramount lot a few blocks away (note to self: develop contacts to get invited to cool Saturday parties on the Paramount lot that feature fireworks.) Normally I'm a fireworks fan, but the loud cracking and popping interfered with the ripsnorting dialogue that drives "Philadelphia Story" to its hilarious conclusion. Nonetheless, we all applauded as it flew to its end.

Dodger Cathedral




Spent a hot day at Dodger Stadium with friends, sweating in the shade while downing dogs and Diet Coke. The city stole it from the poor immigrants who lived here years ago, but it's a gorgeous cathedral of a place, complete with beautiful hills, blue sky, and palm trees.



Having good friends there to sweat by my side helped make it worthwhile. John Mark wore his Krusty the Clown hat rather than his Yankees hat, since it was a Dodgers-Phillies contest. The heat was astonishing. While standing in line for a Dodger Dog, I thought I was going to keel over. To top that off, the Phillies won, 6-2. Don't know if I'll venture out for a day game again, given my heliophobia.



Mike and Caroline brought along their adorable daughter, Sabrina, who was amazingly good throughout, despite missing her nap. A nice woman in neighboring seats loaned us one of those mini-fans that also squirts water to cool Sabrina down. But that was it -- Sabrina had to have one of her own. But we all ended up taking turns getting squirted, particularly John Mark, whom she seemed to take particular delight in tormenting.

Friday, June 09, 2006

Latest Column - Phone TV


I babble in fascinating fashion about the latest thing to hit the airwaves, television series on your phone, all in my latest column of "Notes from the Wasteland" at www.monstersandcritics.com.

Forget "Lost" on your Ipod, soon you'll have short episodes you can subscribe to that are available exclusively through your wireless provider. What will work in a such a medium? The fields is wide open. And a lot of money rides on the answer.

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Bellows at Noon on Friday














Also known as Paradise. Just got back.

Bellows is on an Air Force base, so it's only open to the public on weekends, beginning Fridays at noon. This is the best time to go to the best beach on Oahu, and one of the best beaches in the world.

The waves were small this time, but I still caught a few. After all, it was just me, bobbing in the warm, blue green water. I think I spotted these people waaaaaay down the beach, futzing with their boogie boards.

It's home, this water.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Lobster Night

My friend Pam held a girls-only Lobster Night at her house in Burbank the other night. That's her adorable son Hunter eyeing the cooked product. What a feast!

Sort of...

I arrived to find the lobsters alive, of course, in a cooler full of salt water, awaiting their demise. I lifted the lid and glanced inside -- and that was my undoing. There the ugly little creatures lay atop one another, feebly waving their antennae. Lack of oxygen in the water had reduced them to weary acquiescence. I hadn't ever met my food before I ate it before. I felt a stab of pity as I realized these creatures were already dying. And soon I would help cook them alive and eat them. Oy. My stomach gave a lurch.

Then Pam's friend Dorothy, expertly grilling the veggies, told me how sometimes they try to scuttle out of the pot as they cook... Dorothy laughed at this thought - and at my face as I felt another jolt of queasiness.

I did not enter the kitchen as the live lobsters were taken in for the finale. I was later told how they reared up to avoid the boiling hot water as they were lowered into it. Maritza told me that she just convinced herself that they were big ugly bugs who deserved to die. I tried to convince myself of that. I really did.

We began with salad, grilled veggies, corn on the cob, bread... All delicious. I was filling up fast. Then the lobsters, now a beautiful red, were brought out. I watched as the other women ravenously dismembered the shellfish, plucked out the juicy meat, and ate it.

I felt sick. And hypocritical. I eat meat. I eat pork, chicken, shrimp, fish... why couldn't I eat these lobsters? They were already dead. If I didn't eat mine, someone else would. But I just couldn't do it. I had one bite of one of Dorothy's claws, all buttery deliciousness, and that was it. I tried not to watch the exoskeletons and black/green guts pile up on everyone else's plates.

Ann-Marie took my lobster home for her husband, and she even paid my share of the lobster cost, most generously. Later on there were strawberries and shortcake. The conversation and company were wonderful. But I couldn't help feeling the ghosts of those eaten lobsters hovering over my shoulders.

No, I haven't turned vegetarian. I love meat - as long as I don't meet it first.

Friday, May 12, 2006

Tag, I'm It!

My friend Wendee tagged me (check out her cool blog at http://thefridgedoor.blogspot.com) in this thing going around amongst bloggers. I'm supposed to list five things in my fridge, purse, nightstand, wallet, closet, and car.

Normally, I'm not keen on "chain" stuff, but this one holds no dire warnings if you don't participate and promises nothing if you do. And it's all about ME. What could be more fun?

Fridge (covered with postcards from foreign lands and photos of my friends and their children, by the way): Britta water filter, Diet Coke, cat food can with one of those rubber cover thingies on it to keep it fresh, veggies, grated Parmesan/Romano cheese mix from Trader Joes, Ginger Ale, beer, wine, leftover veggie pasta, leftover refried beans, tortillas... Okay that's way more than five, but my fridge is always packed with food. I like knowing that I can open it and find something to eat.

Purse: Notebook and pen, sunglasses, checkbook, mini-purse with lipstick, phone.

Nightstand: Moved a few things out of this recently because my Mom is coming to visit and if she snoops I don't want her to find anything. So it's rated PG for now! Four books (Great Expectations [finished reading, haven't put it away], Capote [the biography] The Story of the Amulet [classic victorian children's book] and one of the Calvin & Hobbes collection I inherited from my friend Brian), a glass of water, my glasses, linen spray in supposedly soothing tones of lavendar and something else, which I haven't used in ages.

Wallet: Cash, a couple of credit cards, license, insurance cards, stamps.

Closet: Usually there's a cat in there somewhere. Luggage waiting to be used for a trip, scarves I never wear, clothes I do wear.

Car: Relatively clean! Leather interior that kinda smells like french fries. A paper bag full of tennis balls, two tennis racquets, container 'o kitty litter, notebook.

Gonna tag my friend Valerie and her cool blog Artifical Sweetener (http://foothilldrive.blogspot.com) to see what she's hiding...

Friday, May 05, 2006

"Notes" on the End of the TV Season

The editor of Monsters and Critics says that of the six or seven new columns featured on that website, mine vies for most popular, along with one called Wedlock. I know - small potatoes in the big world of media, but nonetheless encouraging to a writer like me, who assumes no one is paying any attention.

My latest column (go to: http://smallscreen.monstersandcritics.com/ and click on "Notes from the Wasteland") lays bare just how new shows are picked for the fall season.

Here's a hint -- it's all about the money. No surprise there, but in the column I go into the behind-the-scenes machinations that make or break a new TV show. Also included - my picks for which shows "on the bubble" should be picked up for fall, and which should be dropped. Take a look.

Monday, May 01, 2006

LA Book Fest


I attended the Los Angeles Book Festival this weekend. It's quite an extravaganza that takes place on the grounds of UCLA. There are hundreds of tents, filled with books, representing publishers, writers groups, authors, organizations (everyone from the Getty Museum to the Scientologists) and anyone else with a connection to books.

I arrived late on Sunday - around 2pm, and got a chance to listen to Sebastian Junger talk about his latest book, A Death in Belmont. Here's the sort of author you dream about, a handsome man in his early forties, tan, fit, smart, liberal -- who can write! He discussed getting shot at in Afghanistan, and how that educated him on how little people remember during a violent event, since his own memory of a fire fight agains the Taliban turned out to be faulty. He was thoughtful, and able to talk about his life or death experiences without sounding self centered or pretentious.

I almost bought his book, but I'd already spent a bundle on a lithograph -- you can see it above. It's a limited edition, signed by one of my favorite illustrators of children's books, the legendary Garth Williams. Those who read Charlotte's Web or Stuart Little will recognize his soft, warm, expressive style This drawing is from A Cricket in Times Square, by George Seldon. If you have kids from 6 - 10 who like to read, and they haven't read this book yet -- BUY IT! It's simple, sweet and funny. Here you can see Chester Cricket, Tucker the Mouse, and Harry Cat feasting in Tucker's drainpipe home near the subway in Times Square. When I read the book, I'd never been to New York City, and this book gave me a marvelous picture of it's crowded, skyscrapered, multicultural life. I know very little about Garth Williams, but I know he must've loved animals, given how beautiful and full of character his drawings of them are.

Looking at this drawing makes me smile and feel warm inside. When I bought it, the woman taking my order said, "Garth Williams. Sometimes I think I learned to read because of him."

And that's it -- exactly. The power of art is incalculable. Even something as simple as the illustration in a children's book can be something you carry with you the rest of your life.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Sexual Harassment or Creative License?

The California Supreme Court ruled against the plaintiff in a sexual harassment case involving a writers' assistant and the producers of "Friends."

What did I think of the ruling? As a former writers' assisant, I feel free to give my opinion. Check out my latest column at www.monstersandcritics.com. Click on "TV" in the upper right, then on the name of my column, Notes from the Wasteland, to find out.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Outing Myself...


...as a cat owner.

Almost gotcha with that headline, didn't I?

No, it's time to end this ridiculous stereotype about single women of 40 who have cats. Every time I read something about aging, there's a woman in there somewhere moaning that soon she'll be living alone with cats, and then her life will be over.

Well, I'm here to buck that bullshit. I live alone. I have two cats. I've owned three and had up to five living with me at one time. I've rescued wild kittens and taken cats from shelters to find them homes. I've trapped feral cats and had them neutered before releasing them. I give money to Alley Cat Allies and the Feral Cat Alliance, along with the Humane Society and SPCA-LA. I've never been married, and I have no children.

But you know what? I have a life. I'm not some lonely spinster with nowhere to put her love. That idea is just, well, ridiculous. People need to find a new metaphor for loneliness, because the "Cat Lady" stuff won't fly anymore.

Single women with cats DO:

1. Have sex. In fact, I've had more sex since I became a cat owner. I get a lot of attention from men (not that this validates me as a human being -- but it just blasts the "Cat Lady" stereotype all to hell, and, hey, it's good for my ego). I love men. Yeah, I'm still looking for one great one to spend my life with, but in the meantime, let's just say that life has been good to me. No, I won't go into details. A survey of my single friends indicates no correlation between cat-ownership and lack of sex. Get over it, people.

2. Clean their house. Yeah, I've probably got more hair in my carpet than non-cat owners. But the constant battle against fur and litter prompts me to sweep my bathroom (where the cat box lives) every single day. How many non-cat owners can make that claim? My house does not smell like cats. I've queried my most honest and critical friends to make sure I'm not deluding myself on this point. The worst smells usually come from outside, when my nutty neighbors pee in the hallway or leave their garbage outside to rot. People shed more hair and skin and leak far worse odors than cats do.

3. Love dogs. If I had the space for a dog, I'd get one. Apartment living in a town where few can afford to buy is the culprit here, not cats.

4. Have good taste in home decorations and clothes. Every cutesy cat object I own was given to me. I do not buy them. It just doesn't occur to me. In honor of my dear departed Aunt Janet, I do have one of her cat magnets on my fridge. Cat-wise -- that's it. I don't wear t-shirts featuring fluffy kittens or cats hanging from tree limbs with the saying "Hang in there." Do I go "awww" when I see the Puppy Bowl on Animal Planet? Sure. But I've seen grown (married!) men babble like children when they see a cute animal. That's human nature, whether you are single, young, old, married, lonely, or busy.

5. Have a life. This hooey about the lonely cat-loving spinster who never leaves the house would be hilarious if it wasn't so ubiquitous. I've lived in many different cities, traveled to Europe more times than I can bother to count, and floated down the Nile, taking in the sun. I work in what some consider a glamorous industry (TV - believe me, it ain't) and have attended parties and premieres surrounded by famous bozos. I've had drinks at world famous "see and be seen" spots. Hell, I've partied at the Playboy Mansion. Sure, I don't feel like I fit in at these places. I find Hollywood's shallowness and greed dispiriting. But it's yet another strike against the Cat Lady cliche. Take that!

This coming weekend I have plans for Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights, each with a different person or group. Not to mention yoga, brunch, and writing plans for the weekend days. This is typical for me. Sometimes my social schedule is so busy that it exhausts me, and I shut down and cancel everything to recharge. I'm not complaining -- I'm pointing out the utter lack of correlation between cat ownership and loneliness. There are many nights when I say "no" to invitations so that I can have some quiet.

But I love my life. I've created one that's full of activity, fun, support, and love. I love my cats too.

Monday, April 10, 2006

Goodbye, Grandma














My dear grandmother, Christine Blythe, died of lung cancer on Friday, April 7. The loss is still too fresh for me to really wax eloquent. But my grandmother was a fascinating woman. She was tiny, compared to me, and you could see the Cherokee heritage her family tried to deny in her jet black hair and killer cheekbones.

Born in Oklahoma, my grandmother was the treasured youngest of thirteen children. When she was 17, her 21-year-old boyfriend, LT Moore, was killed while driving drunk. A month later, young Christine found she was pregnant. After my mother, Jacqueline Kay, was born, my grandmother remarried the man my mother thought of as her father. Four more children were born to her -- Jerry, Barbara, Michael, and Tommy. Five years after Tommy was born, she divorced, remarried, and divorced again. Now living in Key West, Florida, my grandmother worked hard as a bartender, in what was mostly a gay bar. She served drinks to Tennessee Williams and Truman Capote, among others.

She later said that she really enjoyed her life -- that she liked her job, and that she had many good times with her friends. In fact, she was quite the partier, smoking and drinking enough to put the current Spring Break kids to shame. Even as she suffered with lung cancer, she said she never regretted the smoking and parties. She lived her life the way she wanted.

She must've been an excellent bartender, because she chatted easily with anyone. Everyone liked her. Even in her last three weeks of life, when she was taken to an in-patient hospice, she won the hearts of all her nurses and attendants with her easy-going nature and interest in their lives. She hardly ever complained, and enjoyed nothing more than juicy gossip, baseball (especially the Atlanta Braves) and football, particularly her beloved Miami Dolphins.

Nine or so years ago, she came to live with my mother. She was suffering then from various lung ailments and osteoporosis. For the rest of her life she moved around the country with my mother, uncomplaining, making new friends, and reconnecting with Mom, her oldest daughter. This was when I got to know her best. I didn't see her much when I was a child. Grandma was closest to those who were closest -- physically closest. With her in Key West and me in Hawaii, I never got to know her. But when she came to live with Mom I finally got the opportunity to really find out who she was, and to love her. For that and many other reasons, I'm grateful to my Mother for making a home for Grandma. She made a mean martini, watched "Regis & Kelly," and could quote baseball statistics till my eyes crossed. She loved chicken 'n dumplings, and baked carrot cake so good I'd end up having dessert for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

She always carried her soft southern drawl, and wasn't afraid to make tart observations. Her bartender training gave her a sharp eye for character. I asked her what Capote was like. She shook her head: "Mean drunk." And Tennessee Williams? "A flaming faggot."

"Grandma!" I said. "That's not a nice way to put it."

"I can't kindly help it," she said, shrugging. "I had a lot of gay friends, but I never liked the ones who were, you know, flaming. And he just always wanted attention, saying 'Look at me, I'm the big writer.' Well, nuts to that."

I tried to plumb her memories about the man who had been my grandfather -- the biological father my own mother had never known. But she couldn't remember much, and she didn't seem to care that she'd forgotten. Oh sure, she'd been upset when he died, she guessed. But that was all a long time ago. She wasn't a sentimental woman. That served her well during difficult unmarried teenage years with a baby, perhaps. It also lead to some estrangement from her children. And for an unsentimental woman, she nonetheless came to regret that distance. She knew that she'd created it. It had helped her lead the life the she wanted, but it had its cost. In those last nine years together, she and my mother came to an understanding, I think. And I came to love her more than I ever thought possible. She is missed.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Possum Central













I don't understand why people don't like opossums. I mean, look at this cute little thing. She's an arboreal marsupial, not a rodent. And that long, naked tail is prehensile. When she gets old enough, she'll carry her children in a pouch, like a kangaroo.

Her name is Leia, and she's the daughter (or son, possibly) of Lana, the first opossum I started feeding at the Cat Food Bowl of Plenty on my little back porch.

She's very shy. I tried to take photos through my screen door, but the flash just turned the screen into a blur. So I sneaked out, and she fled. I lurked. She toddled back and drank some rainwater out of an empty can of cat food left outside by my neighbors. (They are nice but tend to leave garbage out back for weeks at a time. I'm refusing to clean up after them, until I just can't stand it any more.) Then she made her way back to the cat food and began crunching. Guess she got used to the flash, because she stayed and ate while I got a few shots.



The other night I heard a scrabbling outside my front window. I pushed aside the curtains to see Leia's little paws clutching the ivy growing over the windows. I shone a light on her, to see better and perhaps discourage her from trying that too often, since if she fell, she'd crash through my screen. But she was gone. Opossums are arboreal, dude. They don't look as dextrous as monkeys, but stick 'em on a vine and watch 'em zoom upward.

Latest "Notes"

My latest column's online today at www.monstersandcritics.com. I review the first four episodes of "The Sopranos," a series which is reaching new heights in its final season. If you aren't watching it now, be sure to view it later, when it comes out on DVD.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

The Chateau by Night


It's a rainy day here in Los Angeles. Rivers criss-cross the parking lot at work, making it an adventure to get to my car. Twas just such a night when I took this photo of my apartment building, not many days ago. It's got the word Chateau in its name and was built, or so I've heard, in the 1920's by movie stars Elsa Lanchester (aka the Bride of Frankenstein) and Charles Laughton (Henry VIII) to house their guests.

In spite of noisy neighbors, difficult parking conditions on weekends, and occasional hooker sightings, I love my neighborhood and my building. I won't live there forever. After all, a woman needs real closet space. But I've been there for nine and a half years -- longer than I've ever lived anywhere else in my life.

At night the lights glow forth from the apartments, and you can see the silhouettes of pet cats staring out the windows.

Wild parrots nest in that jacaranda tree out front. My upstairs neighbor keeps a birdfeeder dangling from a high branch to make sure they never leave us.

Monday, March 20, 2006

Late Night Eats

Another reason to love Los Angeles is Jan's. On a rainy night, if you need to mull over life's idiosyncracies with a hungry friend, the place to head is Jan's, here on Beverly Blvd, just east of La Cienega.

Want pie at 1am? Got a taste for bacon and eggs for dinner? Jan's is happy to oblige.



I've spent more evenings than I can count here with friends. The coffee keeps coming, no matter how long you sit. Across the aisle you might see a bent old man with a walker. He's a regular, wearing that green sweater and hopeful combover, doing a crossword puzzle. And the cops? They love this place. Venture here after midnight, and you'll often see three or four police cars, one of them a K-9 unit, parked outisde, while the officers sit inside, chowing down on fried zucchini or a spinach salad.

There's one particular waiter I recommend -- and whose name, of course, I've never gotten. He's latino, tall, slightly burly, and he's right there with your coffee. We always tip him well, and he always obliges me with an ice cream sundae simply swarming with whipped cream, cherries and nuts. The booths near the windows are nice, but it's worth it to sit in the back if that's where he's serving that night. Darn. Wish I had a photo of him. Maybe on my next visit.

Friday, March 17, 2006

Top Ten Reasons Not to Watch

Yet another shameless plug for my column, Notes from the Wasteland, at www.monstersandcritics.com. This week I list ten shows and channels that make you want to turn off the TV and get a life. It's pretty funny, if I do say so myself. Go to the website, click TV on the upper right, then scroll down to see my column featured in the text or check out the left hand column where my magnum opus (*cough*) is listed.

And even more importantly -- HAPPY SAINT PATRICK'S DAY!

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Top Ten Reasons to Watch


My latest column, which lists my top ten reasons to love TV, is up at www.monstersandcritics.com. Click on "TV" on the top right and then click on "Notes from the Wasteland" on the left hand side. Once I figure out how to put links in without just typing in the whole damned thing, I'll be able to say -- click HERE. Until then, you'll need three clicks or so to find my column.

People poo-poo TV, but that does a disservice to the many terrific and often brilliant people that work in it. Not to say there isn't a ton of crap out there, but consider any medium and you'll find that 90 percent of everything is crap. Most painters -- are not gonna get their stuff hung in museums. Most writers -- churn out forgettable prose. Most movies -- aren't worth putting on your Netflix list. So it is with television. But a few wonderful programs and channels do exist, and they keep me paying my exhorbitant cable bill every month. I list my reasons to watch -- from Animal Planet to The Wire. Check it out.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

My Friends = Rock Stars??



After Brian regaled us with a LIVE version of the Pope's Pics last Saturday, we stayed on to "entertain" the other denizens of Broadway 11 with our song styles.

That's Kurt at the mic, doing a delightfully robotic "Jesse's Girl."











John Mark didn't get up, even though he probably has the best voice of all of us. He's the one with the Gene Simmons tongue, as if you didn't know.

Rachel and Valerie also neglected to get up. I can't blame them. After seeing how some of the other patrons embarrassed themselves (a very loud, off key version of Pearl Jam's "Jeremy" especially comes to mind) it'd be only natural to want to avoid making a similar spectacle of oneself.


I've never done karaoke before, so I elected to back Cheri up (She's got the microphone; that's me on the right, next to Naomi. Alas, you can't see nearly enough of Cathleen in this photo) on a rousing version of "Proud Mary." Cheri rocked the house. As for me, apparently there's nothing like karaoke to show you how little you know about a song, even one so famous as this. Good thing I didn't have a microphone.

One highlight (or was it a low point?) of the evening for me was when a guy we referred to as "That Shuffle Dancer Dude" gave me what amounted to a lap dance while onstage a man named Kelly warbled his fifth disco tune of the evening. Wish I could remember what the song was, but the experience has given me Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and perhaps the inevitable flashbacks will remind me of it later.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Doc Berry - Environmental Pundit


My father, Paul "Doc" Berry, was interviewed by Hawaii Public Radio last week about the limits of Hawaii's environment and the impact of tourism. You can listen here: http://www.hawaiipublicradio.org/lewis/lewis1.htm
It's the first in the list.

The photo is of Kailua Beach, Oahu, just to remind you of the beauty we must learn to sustain in my home state.

Temples Everywhere


French archaeologists found a huge temple to the sun god Re under a Cairo suburb yesterday. (You can see one of the statues they found above. It's a rare one of a pharoah, in this case Ramses the Great, dressed as a high priest.) In the meantime, British archaeologists found a private chapel used by Henry VIII and other royalty under a parking lot in Greenwich, England.

Apparently all sorts of treasures lurk under our existing cities, waiting to be found. Beneath your feet could lie the evidence of long dead civilizations -- their places of worship, their burial sites, their sewers, their bedrooms. How fricking cool is that?

I spotted the news of the Egyptian sun temple on www.nationalgeographic.com. Per their article:

The discovery of the sun temple may shed light on the status of Heliopolis in ancient Egypt. "We do not know enough about Heliopolis, which was one of the main cities in Egypt and moreover a religious and, let us say, intellectual center," said French archaeologist Alain Zivie, leader of a team that has been excavating Saqqara, the cemetery of the ancient Egyptian city of Memphis, for more than two decades.
Zivie says the discovery also shows that much of ancient Egypt's treasures are still buried under modern cities, particularly Cairo and its suburbs.


"Cairo is the child of three cities: Memphis, [the Roman fortress of] Babylon of Egypt, and Heliopolis," Zivie said. "Expanding more and more, it swallows now its three mothers, especially Babylon and Heliopolis. But these [ancient cities] are not completely lost. They continue to exist in the underground Cairo."


Leo Depuydt, an Egyptologist at Brown University in Providence, Rhode Island, agrees. "The recent find of a giant temple built by Ramses II, ancient Egypt's greatest builder pharaoh, in Cairo again reminds us of how archaeological discovery would increase exponentially—almost beyond imagination—if digging under urban centers and dismantling buildings of later date ever becomes, technically and politically, even more feasible," he said.

But how to dig in places where people live without completely uprooting their lives? How to balance the needs of the living with the desire for historical and anthropological knowledge? Imagine the riches to be found if some genius engineered a marvel that would allow scientists to dig underground without disturbing the lives of those above. Scientists -- get cracking!

"Wasteland" & "Bleak House"


My review of the BBC's Bleak House TV series/DVD is out today on Monsters & Critics (www.monstersandcritics.com). Just scroll down the front page and look under reviews. For the record, I damn well cried twice while watching this fabulous Dickens adaptation. Granted, I can be a big ball of mush, but this is a mini-series done right. I highly recommend renting or buying the DVD to enjoy it.

My second column of "Notes from the Wasteland" is also up at M&C. From the front page, click on TV (on the upper right) and then scroll down. I babble on here (hopefuly in an entertaining fashion) about just how TV works as a writer's medium. I've long been amazed at how little folks know about how television really works. But then I work in the medium, so it seems like second nature to me. I think next week I'll get a bit jazzier, go the Entertainment Weekly "list" route and do a "Top Ten Reasons to Watch TV in 2006" column.

It's interesting how hard it is to write this sort of thing. It's like writing a term paper -- you've got to have a thesis and then back it up. And then you have to make it fun. College was never like this! So far the fun part is my big challenge. I think I have a fun writer's voice, but the challenge is to let it through and not edit it all away and be all serious and pretentious and boring. Guess I'm still finding that voice. I'm hoping all this dang writing will help me dig it free and set it loose on the unsuspecting inhabitants of this planet.

Monday, February 27, 2006

Wilder Los Angeles


One of the reasons I love Los Angeles is that it contains all the modern conveniences (and inconveniences) and yet remains touched by the wild. In my neighborhood in Hollywood, tree roots turn sidewalks into obstacle courses, snakes slither through the dead leaves at the bottom of the Wattles gardens, and raccoons come to my back door for a snack.

That's Rachel baring her teeth at me as I poked my head out from behind my screen door to get a better photo. (Don't ever try to photograph raccoons at night through a screen -- they look like gray furry blobs with red, glowing eyes.) Her buddy, Rocky, was far less intimidated and just kept an eye on me as he used his little black paws to scoop cat food out of the bowl and into his mouth.

See, I feed a couple of feral cats on my back porch nearly every day. My neighbors, though sometimes noisy, are nice enough to also put out kibble and tuna on occasion. The main recipient is the oh-so-creatively named Miss Kitty, the mother of my own cat Lucy. I rescued Lucy and kept her for my own, but Miss Kitty is far too scaredy to tame. I did, however, manage to trap her once and get her spayed, so at the very least there will be no more kittens to find homes for.

Anyway, Miss Kitty knows to come by when she hears my car pull into the garage. She meows quite demandingly as I approach my back door to remind me of my duty. I keep an old blue plastic bowl out back so my neighbors and I can just pour food in it whenever we hear the call.


But Hollywood lies at the foot of the Hollywood hills, and wilder creatures than cats roam these parts. I've seen coyotes on several occasions, trotting with that lean and hungry look right down the center of my street. Deer are too cautious to come down this far, but skunks make free of the hedges and yards, and I've seen them and several opossums help themselves to Miss Kitty's food stash on my back porch.

One thing these photos do not convey is just how LARGE these raccoons are. They are closer to the size of a Beagle than a cat. Their fur is thick, their eyes behind those black masks sharp and clever. The first time I saw Rocky he was sitting up like a person with the blue bowl between his legs, using his right paw to shovel the kibble into his mouth. He looked right at me when I said, rather startled, "Oh, hello." But he never stopped eating.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Column Debut

My first column appears today on a website called Monsters and Critics (www.monstersandcritics.com). I work in television, so my column will address various topics related to TV. This week, it's the change in the rules for the Emmys, recently brought about by the Academy for Television Arts and Sciences.

I've called it Notes from the Wasteland after the famous quote from Newton Minow's speech in 1961, wherein he said:

"When television is good, nothing — not the theater, not the magazines or
newspapers — nothing is better.

“But when television is bad, nothing is worse. I invite you to sit down in front of your television set… and keep your eyes glued to that set until the station signs off. I can assure you that you will observe a vast wasteland."

The editor of the site, James Wray, even gave me the cool little logo you see in the upper left. I love it! It looks just like the stretch of Hollywood Boulevard where I run two or three times a week to stay somewhat in shape, though the sky hasn't been quite that shade of brown since the fires last summer. I hope to write a column every week and also to contribute reviews of shows. I'm particularly looking forward to the final season of "The Sopranos" which debuts in a few weeks and hope to write about that, as well as whatever else catches my fancy. The gig is unpaid, but it nonetheless feels great to see my name in print on something other than this personal website. Gotta keep the ol' writing muscles in shape.

Friday, February 17, 2006

The Gypsy Guitar Player


I found this delightful clip of Django Reinhardt playing guitar via boingboing.net. You can view it with Quicktime at http://blog.wfmu.org/freeform/2006/02/videos_france_g.html. It takes a few seconds to load.

Before this I mostly knew Django as Sean Penn's nemesis in Woody Allens' last great film "Sweet and Lowdown." In it, Sean Penn plays the 'Second Greatest Guitar Player' in the world, after Django -- a musician of such greatness that Sean's character faints in his presence. You can see Django in the photo here, front and center.

In this clip you can finally witness Django playing and come to understand his greatness. I had no idea before I saw this that Django's left hand was terribly damaged in a fire when he was 18. The heat shrank the tendons in the fourth and fifth fingers of the hand he used on the fretboard of his guitar. Laid up for eighteen months after the fire, from which his wife also escaped, Django retaught himself to play with only two fingers on the frets. Occasionally he'd use the curled up fourth and fifth fingers on the lower strings for chords. The grace with which he plays is astonishing, and the sound that emerges is divine. Apparently Django was one of the first players to introduce the guitar as an instrument of melody along with Charlie Christian, Lonnie Johnson, and Sister Rosetta Tharpe.

In the first part of the film an announcer introduces Django and the other members of his Quintet of the Hot Club of France while Django and the violin player jam. You can clearly see Django's damaged fingers as his other digits dance over the strings. The film then cuts to a full-on performance in which Django gives a lovely solo. The song is "J'Attendrai" or "I Will Wait."

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Unopened Tomb Found in the Valley of the Kings!




I'm usually opposed to using exclamation points in a headline, but in this case -- I just couldn't resist! My buddies know what a geek I am when it comes to Ancient Egypt and archaeology, so I know you'll forgive me if I ramble on for a second about how fricking exciting it is that they've found an unopened tomb in the Valley of the Kings in Egypt. An expedition from the Unversity of Memphis, Tennessee was working on a nearby tomb when they found indications that ancient workers had worked on the rock nearby. (Isn't archaeology amazing? They can tell where workers camped on bare rock thousands of years ago.) After weeks of digging right next to the tomb of King Tut, they found a sealed door to a shaft leading down to a previously unknown tomb.

Alas, the wheels of archaeology grind slowly. These scientists must be painstaking in recording every step as they essentially deconstruct and destroy what was created by people who lived, in this case, 3,000 years ago. 90 percent of what we learn from a site comes from context, so every tiny detail must be taken down in photos, drawings, written commentary, etc., because once taken apart, the context can nevery be recreated. The archaeologists in this case have not yet even entered the tomb. But we can see five sarcophogi, which probably contain mummies. The head of one woman is clearly visible, painted on her coffin. Another is in splinters due to termites. The style indicates that these were wealthy, influential people of the 18th dynasty court, possibly royal or favored courtiers. Only those at the highest levels would've been buried in the Valley of the Kings. Heiroglyphs on the coffins, once investigated, should reveal the identities of those buried in this tomb. The chamber appears to be only 12 by 15 feet, not a complex tomb like most of the royal ones in the Valley. My semi-educated guess would be that these mummies are not powerful members of the royal family, but rather favored friends of royalty, lesser relations, or high officials.

But you never know. Over the thousands of years of Egyptian history, priests and relatives moved bodies, even royal ones, from tomb to tomb, trying (and usually failing) to avoid robbers. The wealth buried with these bodies was just too tempting for even gods-fearing folk like the ancient Egyptians. Dynasties of robber families formed over the years, sharing secret locations and techniques for avoiding the pit traps and labyrinths of the more elaborate tombs. One member of a famous family of robbers even lead archaeologists in the 1800's to a large tomb filled with royal bodies -- after it had been picked clean of gold, of course. This more secret history of thievery is fascinating in and of itself.

So for now we Egypt geeks must watch and wait to see what has been found here. No spectacular gold piece, such as those in Tut's tomb, have yet come to light. But archaeologists can derive huge amounts of information from these mummies and the many jars they have been buried with. Who knows what else lurks beneath those piles of rotting wrappings and broken ceramic? This is the joy of archaeology -- the element of surprise. You never know what treasure you might find. Folks at the University of Memphis found a doozy this time.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

V-Day


I can get pretty curmudgeonly about Valentine's Day. It's the commercialization of romantic love which obligates those with a sweetie to spend money and those without one to feel inadequate, blah blah blah. I'm all for romance, but to have it dictated to me by Hallmark and See's Candies riles my rhubarb.

Then my boss gave me orange roses. And then another co-worker brought in heart-shaped brownies, and yet another offered up frosted pink cookies. Now this is aV-Day I can get behind -- one full of love and goodies for everyone, not just for romantic partners.

Tonight my friends are throwing a Young, Single, and Angry Party. Although most of us are no longer that young, fewer and fewer are single, and, for me at least, the anger is flagging, it's good to keep the Anti-Valentine's furor going in protest. Apparently, we YSAs are not alone, because Yahoo News featured an article describing a bit of Valentine's backlash, where consumers are demanding more ironic and sarcastic V-Day cards and gifts. It's good to know that for once I am in sync with the zeitgeist.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Creatures in His Head



Disturbing stuff. Andrew Bell is an artist from England, now living in New York, who draws strange creatures, one almost every day. You can view monsters, rate them, and generate random critters at his very cool site: www.creaturesinmyhead.com. He also does paintings like those above and sells tshirts and other parphrenalia on www.deadzebra.com.

Monday, February 06, 2006

In Memorium - Natalie Downing



Natalie's been on my mind a lot lately because this is approximately the anniversary of her death last year at the age of 40. I don't know the exact date because she died alone on the street of alcohol poisoning, but it was about this time last year that I got the call that she had passed away. Now that some time has passed I can look at these photos of Nat and smile and remember how she was before she began to drink.

Both photos show her with her beloved Chow Chow, Frances, the world's best dog. On top you can see her grinning with delight at the puppy Frannie, who so resembled a baby bear that she attracted crowds of admirers when we took her out to the Third Street Promenade in Santa Monica. I shot the second photo of Nat and Fran at Buzz Coffee in Sunset Five complex on Sunset and Crescent Heights. We used to hang out there for hours on a Sunday afternoon, exchanging deep confidences and laughing till we cried. This is the photo Natalie's sister put in a little memorial of Nat in the spot where she died. She laid out flowers, a candle, and this shot. It's difficult to look into Nat's smiling face here and reconcile it with how she died. Yet both Natalies existed.

There was no more loyal friend than Natalie, and no one you'd want more at your side in time of difficulty, or even in time of physical danger. Once we were sitting in my little Toyota Tercel, parked on Santa Monica Blvd. in West Hollywood, talking, when we noticed a bright red BMW behind us pulled up at the curb. Its license plate read: BH BRAT. Natalie had a bright red hatred for those who used their lives of privilege to move ahead of the pack, and this Beemer was the perfect embodiment of that. Next to the car a man in expensive casual clothes was arguing with two women, their voices rising with each successive sentiment, body postures ready to fight. Natalie and I stopped our own talk to watch.

The man got into his car and started up the engine, then got out of the car, leaving the door open. He walked up to one of the women and punched her in the face. She stumbled into the other woman's arms with a scream. The man ran back into his car and began to pull away.

I sat there dumbfounded, unable to believe I'd seen such an act of both malice and cowardice. But Natalie was out of my car in a heartbeat, a blond whirlwind of righteous fury. "Come back here and try that with me, you son of a bitch!" She shouted. "Come back here!"

"Suck my dick!" yelled the man as he gunned his motor and began to pull away.

"YOU suck MY dick!!" Natalie yelled after him, in tones that cut right through the sound of his engine and the sobbing of the women on the curb. I saw his head turn back to her in astonishment, then he raced off.

We had his license plate, and I suggested we tell the cops, but the women involved begged us not to, so we got back into my Tercel and headed toward the Promenade. After a few minutes deconstructing the event, Natalie never mentioned it again. But it always stuck in my mind that here was someone who not only felt deeply the injustices of this world, but who was willing to risk herself to do something about it.

She was damn funny, too. All those things you think about later and wish you'd said? Natalie said those things right off the bat, with perfect timing and insight. She loved nature and animals and had the greenest thumb. Her apartment might've been small, but it was lovingly and beautifully decorated. She painted and created useful works of art. She was never happier than when putting together a bookcase or tracking down the perfect flear market find. As her friend, I could tell her anything about myself, from the smallest personal detail to the largest, dumbest thing I ever did -- and I knew she would empathize, make me laugh, and make me see the situation in a way that celebrated who I am. Warm, insightful, feminist, funky, passionate, frank, angry, creative, a woman with a GED smarter than a few PhD's I've known -- that was Natalie. I miss her.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Dad's Latest and Greatest


My father's latest book has been published -- yet you won't be able to buy it anywhere! It's All Men Are Brothers: The Life and Times of Francis William Damon by Hawaii's resident genius, Paul "Doc" Berry. Only a few hundred were commissioned so that they might happily populate Hawaii's libraries and museums. Because I edited it (I'm mentioned twice! On the back flap and in the Acknowledgements.) I managed to snag a few copies for myself. It's a fascinating biography lavishly illustrated with authentic old photos, and based on newspaper accounts and papers provided by the Damon family itself. Did you know that Honolulu's Chinatown was deliberately burned down in 1900? You can see the horrible progress of the fire in this book, block by block, thanks to fascinating contemporary photographs.

Anyone raised in Hawaii knows the Damon name, but the rest of the world probably doesn't know that the Damon's were (and to some extent still are) an extremely wealthy and influential haole (that's Hawaiian for caucasion) family. Francis William was one of the poorest of the group, and he spent his life quietly working for the good of others, particularly the Chinese immigrants who were worked hard and exploited by the sugar cane industry. Early on Frank (as he preferred to be called) saw that part of Hawaii's strength would lie in her multi-culturalism, so he founded the Mills Institute on the grounds of his estate to educate immigrant children. The Mills Insistute later was expanded to become the Mid-Pacific Institute, still one of Hawaii's outstanding secondary schools.

Dad dedicated the book to "Hawaii's teachers, past and present, our keys to a better society." That just about says it all.