Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Put It Out There

Why is it so hard for me to show people my writing? That's what I want to do for a living (eventually, fingers crossed, if I'm lucky), right?

But some part of me magically wants to make that living writing cool stuff that no one will ever see. Because then no one can ever judge me and find me lacking, silly, or pointless.

Conversely, I find it super frustrating to write continuously in a vacuum, with no reward coming from all the effort.

Jeez, I'm a pain in the ass. I feel like kicking my own butt all over the planet.

But these are the contradictory feelings that I'm always battling - I suck. No I'm great. Why does no one realize how fabulous I am and pay me for it? Why would anyone pay me to do anything?

I suppose there's a middle way, and the truth lies somewhere in there. In the meantime, I'm going to keep pushing back the fear and darkness and try to put it out there, let people see my stuff, and see what happens. It's terrifying, man! But life is short, and other cliches. Just because you broke your leg last time you jumped doesn't mean this one will go badly. Just triple check your parachute.


elisa nader said...

because people thing your writing is YOU! a reflection of who you are, when it's really just reflection of your imagination.

chin up, berry. if you don't send it out there, it's guaranteed nothing will happen.

plus your writing kicks ass. even in your blog!

A said...

I agree with Elisa, people assume that your work (writing, acting, painting, or even business) is who you are and not just what you do. Taken to an extreme is the actor who portrays a mass murderer assumed to be evil? Yet why do people assume that the writer of a cute children's story is a parent? It's because that's all we "see" of the person.

When you see a homeless person in the gutter we often assume he is an alcoholic or drug addict for the same reason. I don't think that's good, but it is human nature and it actually helps our society function and us survive as individuals. We take the limited information we have and quickly reach a conclusion so we know how to handle a situation. The key of course is that we should reassess whether the information we have is truly sufficient to warrant the conclusion and if not to learn more.

So unfortunately what you're facing won't change. You just need to accept it and not take feedback personally. It's about your work and not who you are as a person, but that's tough to do when your work is something you create and is like your child.

I think that putting some of your work (and self) out here in this blog is a lot riskier than sharing your writing. Here you talk about YOU, so if you can share here, sharing your work should be much easier.

Nina Berry said...

Wow, lots of wisdom here in both these comments. Thanks, my good friends!

I do need to just develop a thicker skin or just learn to push through the fear and do it anyway.

I'm convinced! I'm putting it out there! Brace yourselves for the whining that may ensue. Kidding, kidding... :)