Flabby Middles

I've been busy rewriting, and it's going slower than I thought, and round about page 150 I started thinking - FLABBY!

It was very frustrating, because I couldn't figure out why everything on the page just laid there. I know, that's what words do on a page, right? But it shouldn't feel like that's what they're doing. They should zoom along and sweep you away and race along, and other speedy turns of phrase.

So I went through the whole book and as I did, wrote down an outline of what happens. I was looking for stuff to cut, but I was also trying to figure out why the middle felt so floppy, flacid, full of hot gas.

Thank goodness my brain seems to work these things out on its own because I think I finally got it. I found a few scenes and lots of words to cut, but I also realized that my main character spends a large section of the middle just reacting to stuff. In the beginning and end of the book she is very driven and motivated, but in the middle? Not so much.

Not good! Protagonists must have goals - external and internal, sometimes mistaken goals, sometimes glorious goals, but goals goals goals!

I think I figured it out - the goal she needs to have in the middle. I'm still inserting it in, working it around, giving it a massage, so we'll see. But don't forget the goal, guys. Once your protag starts sitting around going "oh hey, that's cool," and "wow, I learned a lot today," it's time to reset their priorities and make them a tad more driven. A LOT more driven.

Inspiration from Meg Cabot

I just saw writer Meg Cabot speak at the LA Times Festival of Books. I love her more than ever now!

Meg is a terrific public speaker - funny, smart, self deprecating, and best of all, inspirational. Today she talked about where she gets her ideas, making us all laugh with stories of how an abandoned dog named Jack Bauer showed up on her porch. It turned out he was owned by an evil man who looked like a vampire... hence the idea for her new book Insatiable - about an evil man who IS a vampire, and the woman who takes him down.

Meg's all about girl power, whether it's in her novels for tweens, teens, or adults. She kept telling us we could make our dreams come true, if we just persist. For me, as a writer, it was particularly wonderful (in a weird way) to hear her say that she'd gotten thousands of rejections over the course of years before she landed her agent. 25 books, a few movies, and millions of dollars later, she still remembers how hard those years of rejection were. BUT - persistence paid off.

She wants us all to believe in ourselves. She, after a difficult childhood with an alcoholic father, managed to do it, so we can too.

I so want to read her books now. This whole book tour thing is most enlightening. Once you get to like the author personally, you really want to keep her around by having her books in your hand and in your head. Genius!

If you get a chance to see Meg speak, I highly recommend it. Meanwhile - keep believing in yourself, keep working hard, and your dreams can come true.

Setting as Character

Saw the first two eps TREME on HBO last night, and it's an excellent lesson in how a setting can become the main character in a piece. In this case, the city of New Orleans, three months after Katrina.

The first shots of the show are all close ups - a man's lips near a saxaphone reed, feathers, a kid's face, shoes dancing... then we widen to see men in a darkened room discussing the first "second line" to take place after the storm. (Turns out the "second line" is a type of parade.) Pretty soon, men in suits are warming up their trumpets and banging on drums, a man climbs to the roof of a car to dance, sipping on a cold drink as he does so... and in that sea of faces, in the beat of the music, we feel the heartbeat of New Orleans.

Note the technique - start with colorful details, then pull back for a larger picture. This can really work in writing a novel too. They key is to pick out details that really evoke the uniqueness of your setting. Be as specific as possible.

My only caveat is - don't rely solely on the depth and richness of the setting to carry your piece. In TREME, we also get a lot of humor and depth of character in the people we meet. We're so busy getting to know these people and this fascinating place that we don't mind the slowness of the early plotting. If it's anything like THE WIRE (same writer/producers) the plot will pick up soon, and we'll know the characters and setting so well, that we will be utterly invested in the outcome.

I'm already researching cool bars in New Orleans, food, and visiting the sites of musicians featured on the show. A great setting can be a gift to your readers, as long as it's appropriate for your writerly intentions.

Rewriting Woes

Been trying to do some rewriting while I've been sick with a cold these past five days, and it ain't easy.

The toughest part, aside from the cold, is remembering all the different facets of the work that need to be rewritten. For example, I need to cut a lot out of my first draft to get the word count down to a reasonable number. I also need to sharpen the narrator's voice, make the boy in it hot and fun, liven up the dialogue, make sure the plot makes sense, make my villain more three dimensional, and rework several supporting characters. That's just what I can think of off the top of my head and doesn't include proofreading, grammar check, and just generally trying to make the writing sing.

I had a thought about something the mentor character should say to the heroine near the end of the book - but I'm not there on the rewrite yet! Nonetheless, I got out of bed (that's where I had my thought) and turned on my computer and stuck a paragraph in near the end that did what I wanted. It's not perfect. It'll need to be rewritten, but at least it's there. Meanwhile, chapter 8 needs me to cut it down more.

So much rewriting to do! Novels are long, baby. They're complex and involve so many dang words. I'm trying to be systematic about it, but my brain keeps jumping to some seemingly unrelated thing that also needs fixing.

This'll take a little while. But I can feel the thing getting better. Fingers crossed.

Home sick = no writing

So frustrating to have all this time at home thanks to a head cold and yet not have the energy to write a word. Well, except in this blog, apparently.

Me. With all my original teeth.

And now, a brief pause to reflect on the inexorable passage of time... Dad just sent this to me today, via family friend Tommy Davis. I think I'm about seven here, at my friend Beth Davis's birthday. I'd like to say this was when we went to Istanbul to stay with the Davis family, but I can't be sure that's true.

I don't think I've worn yellow since then. It's really not half bad.

Dad's New Book

Dad sent me a copy of the latest book he edited - Nuremberg and Beyond. It's a memoir by his good friend and fellow teacher Siegfried Ramler. I knew Sieg as a history teacher at my high school, Punahou. But before that he was an Austrian kid living in London during the Blitz who later became a key translator during the Nuremberg trials after World War II.

I just got the book, so I haven't had a chance to read it yet, but one glance shows me that it has the usual gorgeousness of any project worked on by designer Mac Simpson, my father's frequent collaborator. The pictures have gotten me very interested in reading about the Nuremberg trials. I'm a sucker for history, especially when it's this kind of insider view.

And I have no doubt it's been edited marvelously. That goes without saying...

Fresh Eyes! Get your fresh eyes right here!

Now that the first draft of the book is done, I'm forcing myself to take a little hiatus from it. That way, when I return, it will be (fingers crossed) with fresh eyes. "Fresh eyes," are the best way to enter a rewrite. If you can obtain them, do it at any cost. But they are tougher to find than a mango on the tundra. so there's no guarantee I'll get these fresh eyes after taking a couple of weeks off from my manuscript. But it's worth a try.

Meanwhile, I'm contemplating a rewrite of my existing TV spec pilot. A spec pilot, TV novices, is a script for the first ep of a TV show that exists only in your head. It's entirely original. I wrote one such a couple of years ago and recently got some good notes on it. I hope to bring "fresh eyes" to it now.

"Fresh eyes" are sounding more and more like some sort of succulent fruit. Maybe it was my mango simile. But I keep thinking of tossing fresh eyes into my mouth and popping them between my teeth like cherry tomatoes.

Yes, tomatoes are fruit. And yes, that was gross. Fruit brings out my inner horror writer.

I tweeted this - but going from writing a novel to writing a TV script is like moving out of your luxurious RV into a stripped down sports car. I'm not feeling quite as zoomy as I should about it yet, but I'm working on it.

What a Night

I finish the last chapter of my current novel today. Well, I finished the first draft. I sent it off to my crit partner in a rush, wanting nothing more than to be rid of it.

Now I'll just stop thinking about it for a week or so and concentrate on rewriting a TV pilot. Then I'll go back the book with (I hope) fresh eyes and rewrite and cut and renew and curse the gods once more.

Then I watched an episode of The Pacific. The heroism and carnage on display was stunning. The suffering and bravery of these young men (on both sides of the conflict) made me cry. I'm a bit of a cryer when it comes to things like this, but The Pacific would make a stone cry.

Then came a segment on 60 Minutes about Haitian orphans that made me want to pack my bags and fly there immediately to wrap my arms around some poor kid who lost his parents.

Then came the Reptiles episode of Life on the Discovery Channel, an intensely gorgeous, intimate look at nature in all its magnificence and horror. Imagine 10 Komodo dragons stalking and then feasting on a hapless, poisoned water buffalo. Imagine a frog's tongue shooting out to impossible lengths, grabbing a mantis by the head, and pulling the hapless insect right back into the frog's mouth. All in crystal clear close up.

Then healthcare reform passed. It's stunted and imperfect, but it's a start. A big start.

It was an emotional night in the Berry household.

Weekly Roundup

The ceiling got sanded, primed,and painted and appears fully recovered from its adventures during the days of rainstorms and blocked gutters. Next up - framing and hanging newly acquired photos from a Polish online gallery, posters from Prague, and perhaps more.

Eeking through the final chapter of my manuscript. Perhaps I am resisting finishing the damn thing for some reason or other. My conscious mind wants this done, for crying out loud. After that - rest and rewrite.

My friend Rod and his wife had a baby boy! Very exciting and happy news.

Bewared (new verb) the Ides of March.

Making plans to perhaps go to Rome, Naples, and Amalfi this fall with fab travel buddy Wendy. Wish I could start eating there now. I love Italy. Perhaps some of the language will return again to me when we go. Perche no?

Worked portions of my butt off at the day job early this week. No sign of let up in the TV insanity. Learning how writers can help themselves (or not) in how they relate to the studio and network while their series is in production.

Saw "The Ghost Writer" (excellent thriller. That jerk Polanski is annoyingly talented) and "Hot Tub Time Machine" (silly and not for everyone, but I enjoyed the raunchy dumbness and the 80's flashback.)

On TV, "Pacific" premiere was excellent, but the latest ep of "The Good Wife" was even better. Seriously, "Good Wife" is the best thing on TV right now. Making plans to have folks over to watch David Simon's new HBO series "Treme" after it premieres. I had a clan of loyal Simon fans over to watch seasons 4 and 5 of "The Wire" when that was on, so we're all very excited about this new series. Also THRILLED that HBO will do a series based on George R.R. Martin's high fantasy series "Game of Thrones." Cannot wait for that.

Pondering joining Script Frenzy, the April contest where people try to write 100 pages of a new script in 30 days. Doesn't quite coincide with my plans to 1) finish 1st draft of novel. 2) rewrite existing TV script. 3) Rewrite novel. Guess I can have my own script frenzy thereafter.

Or maybe just a plain ol' frenzy. I'll see what I can do.

Wrote 5 Pages Tonight

Five pages in to the final chapter now. Maybe another ten pages, then the first draft is DONE.

I said, done.

Then a week or so off, then back to rewrite. Must sharpen characterization, get rid of adverbs, tighten, cut, and generally make better.

Make Your Wheel Squeaky

So if you're wondering why I haven't been blogging much (miss me?), just look at the mess the rains made in my first floor apartment.

Yes, I'm on the first floor of a two-story building. You'd think rain wouldn't be a problem for me. But I've had issues with leaks before. The gutters fill with mud over the years when my landlady-from-hell doesn't clean them, then the water runs in a sheet down the side of the building and seeps in between floors, peeing through bubbles in the paint onto my floor.

I warned my apartment manager it was happening again two weeks before the ceiling collapsed. A man came out looked at it, seemed to doubt it was the gutters, said he didn't have his tall ladder, but that he'd come back and deal with it.

He never dealt with it. Flash forward to - ceiling collapse. I was out of town in Newport Beach at the time, but my delightful cat caretaker called me, horrified at what the cats had done now.

Well, it was the rain, but it's fun to blame the cats. I imagine them in goggles weilding tiny blocks of plastic explosives. But I digress.

It took me over three hours to clean it up and the 6 by 8 hole in my ceiling was a horrific eyesore, full of spider webs and moths. Not to mention the overwhelming odor of dirty water, one of the few smells that truely grosses me out. (I'm not a person who grosses out easily - I can smash a huge, flying cockroach without blinking. But I have a horror of drains and the things that dwell in them. The dank, mildewy smell of dirty water evokes that more than anything.)

This happened on a Friday night. Did my landlord fix things up on Monday? No. Tuesday? No. All this time, I kept one eye on the weather and saw rain in the forecast, which meant not only more water drizzling down into my apartment, but the possibility of more ceiling collapsing.

So, I got squeaky.

This is not in my nature. I hate bothering people. I don't like to be a nag. I figure folks are decent and will do what they say they'll do. I should give them the benefit of the doubt.

But when people fail to do their job over and over, and you are the victim, it's time to be the squeaky wheel that gets the grease. I hated harassing my apartment manager, but I managed to get the phone number of the repair guy, got him to come over, and he fixed the gutters Wednesday, then dry walled up my ceiling on Thursday.

Rains hit like crazy on Saturday, but I was safe and dry.

Since this is a writing blog, I'll relate this back to writing and say - be persistent when you're trying to get published. Don't be a nag, like I had to be here, but don't let yourself give up. Keep squeaking along, sending your query letter out to agents. Keep pitching it at conferences (once it's fabulous and polished), and then persist in writing something new. Persist in believing in yourself, in learning your craft, in making your manuscript better. Don't let yourself by the lazy landlord. And don't let go of the dream of being published.

Today's Word Is...

...shenanigans.

A good Irish word that trips off the tongue and can describe anything from spirited playfulness to malicious interference. My friend Maritza loves to shout "Shenanigans!" whenever someone's up to something devious.

And it's apt for my life right now. One way or the other.

In Which a NYT Bestseller Agrees with Me

Best selling YA author Maggie Stiefvater (Shiver, Lament) writes about Plot Bunnies in her blog here.

Plot Bunnies are the ideas that hop along while you're in the middle of your novel and beguile you away, like fluffy sirens, from the your current work-in-progress.

Beware the Bunnies of Plot! Note my earlier post about staying on target. It's easy to follow these seemingly innocent creatures in their waistcoats muttering about how they're late for a very important date. But then you fall down a rabbit hole. You just might never get back to your work-in-progress. Now that you're in the middle of the darn thing, it doesn't look quite as soft and sweet and adorable as the Plot Bunny. It doesn't tempt you with all its promise of being the Best Idea Ever any more. Now, it's work.

Well, you have to do the work if it's ever gonna grow up and be a Real Novel.

So, write down your Plot Bunnies, then put them away. They'll stay in your drawer, grousing slightly but quiescent. Once you're done with your WIP, then you can pull them out, dust them off, and follow one off your next adventure.

Chapter of Confusion

I think I just finished the second to last chapter of my current novel. Well, the first draft of it anyway.

Problem is, the damned chapter is 17 manuscript pages (double-spaced) long. I think that's too long for a YA novel.

Initially I ended the chapter at a suspenseful spot that made it 13 pages long. Not too bad. Then I wrote another four pages and came to a spot and thought "THIS should end the chapter!"

Now what the heck do I do?

Well, first thing is to write the next chapter and finish the first draft. When in doubt, finish the damned thing first, then worry about the details. When in doubt, leave it for the rewrite. All answers will be revealed (or fudged) then.

The real question is - how do you know when to end a chapter?

First, know your genre. In YA, the chapters don't tend to be very long. In literary novels they tend to be longer.

Second, to keep your readers interested, try to end the chapter at a moment that begs a question. Sometimes it's an obvious question: will the protagonist survive that ten-story fall into a damp dishrag? Sometimes it's subtle: Will your heroine be able to put aside the pain of her breakup? They key is to create some sort of suspense that will compell the reader to keep reading.

Third, OR, end the chapter when you've reached a point in the story that is very final. This is the case with my latest dilemma. At 17 pages, this chapter is long, but it now ends in a supremely logical place, at the end of a long bit of climactic action that resolves a ton of issues. The only remaining chapter will be the denouement, tying up a few loose ends, lending some emotional weight to the events we just saw, and so on. I wouldn't recommend doing this too often with chapter endings - it won't drive your reader forward as much as my second point, above. But near the end of a book, it makes a lot of sense and gives your reader a feeling of satisfaction and finality.

So I think I answered my own question. Damn the length of the chapter. Just end it when it's supposed to end. Heck, I'll probably cut a ton of stuff during the rewrite anyway.

Something I Hope to Need One Day

YA/MG author Lisa Schroeder (Chasing Brooklyn) has an excellent post on her blog called Timeline and Checklist for YA and MG Book Release that will (I hope) be very useful to me one day.

LOOK at all the stuff authors should do to support their books! DREAM of doing it for your own book one day! That's what I'm doing.

Stay on Target

Great advice from Doyce Testerman on his blog here about how not to get distracted from your goal when writing.

Or when in a relationship, baking cake, or giving someone a parking ticket.

Egypt Geek Moment

So they finally did a thorough check up not only of Tutankamun, but of 10 of his relatives. Egyptologists and DNA experts did the whole schmegeggy - and what they found is fricking fascinating.


So as an Egypt geek, I'm taking a moment on this blog about writing to say - told ya!


1. For years conspiracy theorists have thrown around the idea that Tut was murdered. I get why - his reign happened during a turbulent time in Egyptian history. His predecessor, Akhenaten, tried to convert the whole country to monotheism. He had a thing for the god Aten, and for making himself the only conduit to that god. It was a brilliant but short-lived power play to undercut the other cults and their powerful priests. After Akhenaten's death, Tut restored Egypt to its traditional polytheistic roots, much to the happiness of the powerful priests of Amun-Ra.


But the evidence now shows for certain that Tut was not murdered. He died of a combination of factors, including malaria in his brain, a genetic disorder that weakened his bones (and gave him a club foot, which explains the canes found in his tomb!) and complications from a broken leg.


I have to say that I knew the evidence for murder was always weak - a fantasy dreamed up by folks who liked a good tale better than facts.


2. Egyptologists were never sure whether Tut was the son of Akhanaten or Akh's dad Amenhotep III. DNA tells us for sure - Tut was the son of Akhenaten and a woman who was Akh's sister or half sister. In fact, two generations of inbreeding probably contributed to Tut's genetic illnesses.


This is big news for Egyptologists, people! At last we know who begat who! Okay, I'll calm down.


3. Most interesting to me, neither Tut, nor Akh, nor Tut's mom, in fact none of the mummies studied showed signs of Marfan's syndrome or gynecomastia.


Why is that important? Because for years Egyptologists have scratched their heads over the strange depictions of Akhenaten and his relatives. Check out Akhenaten, Nefertiti, and some of their daughters in this typical example:

Note the pendulous bellies, the warped skulls, the emphasis on wrinkles in the faces of the adults, the general feminization of all the bodies. This is a huge departure in the depiction of a pharoah. Before and after this time, Egyptian art was remarkably consistent in idealizing pharoahs. For example, check out this statue of Akhenaten's father, Amenhotep III:

Check out those shoulders and compare them with his son's! It's jock vs. geek, big time.

For hundreds of years, Egyptologists have wondered why this drastic change in style took place. So different was it that some thought that Akhenaten must've had some sort of physical deformity or condition that he (for some reason) insisted on not only depicting on himself, but on his entire family. Marfan's syndrome and gynecomastia fit that bill.

Personally, I always thought the change in style was an attempt to break from the past and put Akhenaten's stamp on everything. The feminization of all the human bodies could be a way to depict the family's fertility.

And now we know that no one in the family had any physical reason to be depicted this way. The Amarna style was very likely a deliberate choice by the pharoah to make a break with the style of the past.

Exciting times in Egyptolgy! Okay, back to writing.

Rewrite (just a bit) as you go

Most advice for first drafts is - just spill it out of your gut, don't rewrite, don't look back, just go go go as if the devil herself were after you.

I do this. Well, mostly.

What really happens when I sit down to write is this:

1. Computer on
2. Scroll down to spot in WIP (work in progress) where I first started writing yesterday.
3. Go over what I wrote yesterday, editing slightly as I go.
4. Come to the blank part of the page and pick up where I left off.

So I'm doing minor rewrites every time I sit down to write.

Confession: sometimes I do major rewrites. Like this weekend. I had, well, not an epiphany exactly, but a sort of "aha!" about a minor thread/theme/thingie in my novel. I could see how much better things would work if I incorporated it, but that would involve going back to earlier scenes and changing them to fit my aha! moment.

No, I didn't make a note of the aha! and keep moving forward, as some would suggest. I fricking went back to those earlier scenes and made the necessary changes to fit the aha! I made all the changes in about an hour, so it didn't hold me up hugely, and it relieved my mind to know that the aha! was now where it should be. Then I finished the chapter.

I think the key to rewriting while you're still finishing your first draft is moderation. If you spend more than 20 percent (yes, I picked that number out of the air) of your time rewriting your first draft then this may not be for you. You might need to be one of those forward motion maniacs who allows nothing and no one to get in the way of their first draft. You folks tend to be the all-or-nothing types, the ones with a switch that's off or on, but never in between.

Me, I'm betweeny. I'm good at moderation. I'm almost too good at it. My patience is, yes, almost too well developed. How? Well, mostly in my personal life, so I won't go into it here. But it is possible to be too tolerant, to allow too much time or give too much leeway to things/people/yourself. Every now and then, kicking your own butt, telling someone to leap off a cliff, or yelling at your landlady for not fixing the @#$ing stove after it's been on the fritz for a year is a good thing.

So if you can handle moderation, then a bit of rewriting as you go can work for you. If I'd waited, even with notes I might not have quite grokked the rewrite the way I did yesterday.

Side daydreamy thought: how different would my book be if I'd written it at slightly different times on different days over the past year? How much does nature the day's work depend on the time/place/mood in which its written?

For Wireheads and Dialogue Fiends

A very interesting discussion going on over at Chuck Wendig's blog TerribleMinds about dialogue. The latest post uses a scene from my fave TV show The Wire as a starting point. Opinions on it differ, and it's great to see writers pondering the ins and outs of dialogue.

Chuck's earlier post on dialogue is an excellent clarification of what a lot of writers sort of "know" about dialogue murkily waaay back in their subconscious. They know when they read or hear great dialogue, but they haven't put their fingers on why it's so great. Chuck pretty much nails it down in this post.

And because I love The Wire, I can't wait for next week's Wire University.