The New York Post has a great article online about catcalls to women from construction workers and the like.
As someone who has been honked at, woo-hooed, and even followed when I run around my neighborhood, I find real joy in the stories where the woman turns around and calls the dude (or dudes) on their silly behavior. Truth is, most of the time this stuff is harmless. But in a world where women must constantly be on the lookout against assault, it's also kind of insensitive. So what else is new? At least we can laugh at it.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Screenwriting vs. Novel Writing
So now that I'm scribbling away at my novel, I realize just how different it is from screenwriting. I knew intellectually how different the two endeavors were, but am now getting it at a visceral level.
There are, of course, similarities. The three-act structure works well, generally, in both. But it's not required in a novel. Good dialogue is a must in both, etc.
But thereafter - geez. Things diverge. Screenplays are essentially a blueprint. After it's written, other folks come along and interpret it - the director, actors, producers, editors, etc. Movies and TV are the product of many different people. Because of this, the screenwriter must trust that people read a bit between the lines. You write prose to describe the actions taking place on screen, and then dialogue. That's it! There's very little description. You can nudge the dialogue into an emotional direction with an occasional parenthetical, but after that, it's all up to how the director and editor deal with the actor's performance. The only way to really get into a character's head is with a telling close up or voiceover, which I often find annoying.
In a novel, if you just leave the bare dialogue hanging out there with the equivelent of an occasional parenthetical, readers get confused. There's no actor interpreting things for them. They can't see facial expressions. They get no reaction shots. So you have to give the reader more. A lot more. I'm writing in the first person, and at first I resisted giving too many of my character's thought to the reader. Having been trained in screenwriting, I figure folks will read into the dialogue and get the subtext.
But it doesn't work that way in a novel. As I've added more inner thoughts from my protagonist and shown his inner turmoil, the meaning behind the dialogue becomes clearer for my readers. They like the hero more. They hate the antogonist more. They are far more invested.
There are more ways the types of writing differ, but I need to go off and do some more of that writing. So perhaps more later.
Writing is a constant learning experience. That's one more reason why I like it!
There are, of course, similarities. The three-act structure works well, generally, in both. But it's not required in a novel. Good dialogue is a must in both, etc.
But thereafter - geez. Things diverge. Screenplays are essentially a blueprint. After it's written, other folks come along and interpret it - the director, actors, producers, editors, etc. Movies and TV are the product of many different people. Because of this, the screenwriter must trust that people read a bit between the lines. You write prose to describe the actions taking place on screen, and then dialogue. That's it! There's very little description. You can nudge the dialogue into an emotional direction with an occasional parenthetical, but after that, it's all up to how the director and editor deal with the actor's performance. The only way to really get into a character's head is with a telling close up or voiceover, which I often find annoying.
In a novel, if you just leave the bare dialogue hanging out there with the equivelent of an occasional parenthetical, readers get confused. There's no actor interpreting things for them. They can't see facial expressions. They get no reaction shots. So you have to give the reader more. A lot more. I'm writing in the first person, and at first I resisted giving too many of my character's thought to the reader. Having been trained in screenwriting, I figure folks will read into the dialogue and get the subtext.
But it doesn't work that way in a novel. As I've added more inner thoughts from my protagonist and shown his inner turmoil, the meaning behind the dialogue becomes clearer for my readers. They like the hero more. They hate the antogonist more. They are far more invested.
There are more ways the types of writing differ, but I need to go off and do some more of that writing. So perhaps more later.
Writing is a constant learning experience. That's one more reason why I like it!
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Top Ten Horror Films
It's gotten a bit of response, I think, because everyone has an opinion about the top ten of anything. Horror fans tend to like the gore, which is not my thing. I like films that are, well, good, first and foremost.
One dude posted, "This is the weakest top ten horror film list I've ever seen." So I checked out his posts. Heavily featured on his blog was a drinking game he'd invented to play while watching Revenge of the Nerds III. I didn't respond, but was tempted to comment: "Dude, does your Mom let you play that in her basement?"
Critiquenic
That's a combo of Critique and picnic - which I just attended last weekend thanks to the SCBWI, which is the international Society for Children's Book Writers and Illustrators.
Dozens of writers and illustrators met at Roxbury Park in Beverly Hills to hang out in big patches of shade, dodging balls thrown by families, watching handsome, sweaty young men on the basketball court -- and to critique and encourage each other in our writing.
And... there were cupcakes!
They divided us up according to type of book we are writing, set each group up with a moderator who had been published, and then off we went, reading and commenting on each other's work. A fellow redhead named Meena and I bonded a bit over working in film and TV, and we launched with Meena's piece, which was hilarious and delightfully written. Then came my piece. It's amazing what you can learn about your writing by having someone else (not just yourself) read it out loud. Places that trip them up as they read are an indication of hotspots to consider revising. It takes you outside the version you have in your head and makes it REAL. All good.
Lots of helpful and encouraging comments followed. As writers, we slave away alone for days and weeks, so it's great to see other people laugh and respond to your work. Everyone wanted to know what happened after my first five pages, which is a good sign. When nearly everyone else agreed that I need to add more of something, I realized they were right.
(As someone who's written tv and movie scripts, I find I tend to write other things a bit too sparingly. In script writing, you keep the prose to a minimum and try to convey as much as you can through action and dialogue, relying on your director and actors to fill in subtext and emotion. Novels are a whole other thingummy. You want to respect your reader and not spell out everything, but you've got to be clear, for crying out loud. And sometimes what's in you head doesn't quite make it to the page.)
It was great to hear other people's work as well as get comments on my own. You can learn a lot from the questions that form over their pages.
Joining the SCBWI has so far been well worth the small dues. In August comes the big ol' conference - four days of networking, seminars, and support. In the meantime, I've started up a second class to get me going on a full outline of my book, fashion query letters, set up a writing routine, and so on. In the midst of it I'll be going to Hawaii to see my parents (hurray!) so I may even have to bring my laptop with me.
Just like a real writer. That's what I am. Finally really starting to believe it!
Thursday, June 07, 2007
On a Roll...
Yes, I'm on a roll, writing my little brains out. I'm on a self-imposed deadling to get 15 decent pages of my latest project in a good enough state to mail out for a critique session I'm paying for in August. I'm attending a major writers conference here in LA, and one thing they offer is a professional in the field giving you a critique. I've been told it's a great experience. So here I go!
Thing is - critiques help. You've got to be open minded. You've got take it with a grain of salt. You've got to still the fast-beating of your heart, breathe, and let go of your baby so that someone else can criticize it.
I know this from previous experience and because I've joined a critique group (just this week!) of writers with similar ambitions. I was a tad nervous. Fortunately, everyone said something complimentary as well as something, er, constructive. The critique group at least is free. Well, except that we meet at a Border's bookstore that requires a $5 purchase to validate parking if you stay more than an hour. But $5 is more than worth it to get five pairs of eyes assessing your work and give you a reality check. Sometimes people give contradictory advice. Sometimes it clashes with your own instincts. But sometimes they give a note that makes your baby even better than it was before.
Thing is - critiques help. You've got to be open minded. You've got take it with a grain of salt. You've got to still the fast-beating of your heart, breathe, and let go of your baby so that someone else can criticize it.
I know this from previous experience and because I've joined a critique group (just this week!) of writers with similar ambitions. I was a tad nervous. Fortunately, everyone said something complimentary as well as something, er, constructive. The critique group at least is free. Well, except that we meet at a Border's bookstore that requires a $5 purchase to validate parking if you stay more than an hour. But $5 is more than worth it to get five pairs of eyes assessing your work and give you a reality check. Sometimes people give contradictory advice. Sometimes it clashes with your own instincts. But sometimes they give a note that makes your baby even better than it was before.
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
"What is Wrong with Women?"
That's the angry question that writer/director/all around genius Joss Whedon asks in his brilliant rant about the stoning of a young woman in Iraq.
I posted about it on Wyrdstuff, so go there to read my full post. You can link to Joss's website, Whedonesque, from there.
Whedon mulls how this stoning reflects not only on attitudes in Iraq, but how women are seen in general in all societies. He's pessimistic, but determined to try and make a difference. You can go here, if you feel the same kind of determination.
Monday, May 21, 2007
Best. News. Ever.
A very dear friend of mine just left a message on my voicemail that has me over the moon...
As of today she has hit the five-years free of cancer mark!
She got the full body scan, yada yada. And not a spot of cancer. Not a spot for five years, which means she can stop with the scanning and the worrying. The odds of her getting cancer again at this point are so small, she's now once again just like the rest of us.
HURRAY!
It's difficult to describe the swell of relief and happiness this news brings. I'm not only delighted for her, I'm thrilled for those of us who are her family -- thrilled that we're gonna have her around for a good long time.
As of today she has hit the five-years free of cancer mark!
She got the full body scan, yada yada. And not a spot of cancer. Not a spot for five years, which means she can stop with the scanning and the worrying. The odds of her getting cancer again at this point are so small, she's now once again just like the rest of us.
HURRAY!
It's difficult to describe the swell of relief and happiness this news brings. I'm not only delighted for her, I'm thrilled for those of us who are her family -- thrilled that we're gonna have her around for a good long time.
By the way - the photo above is of the sunset at the north pole. A suitably beautiful, moving image to celebrate with.
"Once"
Saw a terrific little movie this weekend called Once. It's a low budget musical of sorts, shot in Dublin. It stars two wonderful actors you've never heard of, and is romantic in a way you don't often see in more Hollywood films.
Our hero, an unnamed Irishman in his thirties, works by day in his father's "Hoover Repair" shop. But whenever he's able, he plays for the crowds in the center of Dublin on the streets, singing passionately personal songs on his guitar. One day, a cute immigrant from the Czech Republic stops by and asks some perceptive questions about his songs. Soon they are harmonizing like old friends on his songs. Both are in difficult places in their romantic life, and they struggle with their feelings for each other in heartfelt song and amusing, sweet exchanges.
This is the sort of musical where the music doesn't feel imposed or unreal at any moment. Both actors are relatively untrained and unknown, but they have a lovely instinctive style that works beautifully. The movie doesn't go quite where you'd expect, but once you get there, it feels completely right. I'm not much of a sucker for romantic films - most Hollywood stuff is too sappy for me. But this little gem works on every level. It's out only in selected cities, but keep your eyes peeled...
Our hero, an unnamed Irishman in his thirties, works by day in his father's "Hoover Repair" shop. But whenever he's able, he plays for the crowds in the center of Dublin on the streets, singing passionately personal songs on his guitar. One day, a cute immigrant from the Czech Republic stops by and asks some perceptive questions about his songs. Soon they are harmonizing like old friends on his songs. Both are in difficult places in their romantic life, and they struggle with their feelings for each other in heartfelt song and amusing, sweet exchanges.
This is the sort of musical where the music doesn't feel imposed or unreal at any moment. Both actors are relatively untrained and unknown, but they have a lovely instinctive style that works beautifully. The movie doesn't go quite where you'd expect, but once you get there, it feels completely right. I'm not much of a sucker for romantic films - most Hollywood stuff is too sappy for me. But this little gem works on every level. It's out only in selected cities, but keep your eyes peeled...
Thursday, May 17, 2007
TV this Fall - Geek Heaven
My latest post on Wyrdstuff gives a lengthy list of cool sounding new shows that geeks like me will like. You know the stuff - full of sci fi and fantasy elements.
You can read the full post here.
The only one I know will stink is Moonlight, formerly known as Twilight, which I read before it shot. The script was marginal (a handsome good vampire becomes a private eye - Angel and Blood Ties anyone?) and I've since heard it's getting revamped (so to speak) and nobody knows what to do with it. So nevermind on that one.
But do keep Pushing Daisies in mind when you watch TV this fall. The script was brilliant, and I've heard the show itself is fabulous.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Pick Up Time
It's time to pick up pilots in TV Land. The networks are announcing their slates for fall, dropping some old series and picking up some new ones.
I posted on Wyrdstuff about the best pilot script I read this season, Pushing Daisies, written by Bryan Fuller, creator of Dead Like Me, and co-executive producer of Heroes. The actual post is here.
Most folks in the biz are in New York this week, partying and gaping at the stars of the shows as the networks blast the airwaves with publicity about how this fall will be their best season ever. One famous TV series creator was observed by dozens at the Peninsula hotel, yelling at his actress/singer (former?) girlfriend. It's a madhouse of ego, hype, and hysteria. Good times!
I posted on Wyrdstuff about the best pilot script I read this season, Pushing Daisies, written by Bryan Fuller, creator of Dead Like Me, and co-executive producer of Heroes. The actual post is here.
Most folks in the biz are in New York this week, partying and gaping at the stars of the shows as the networks blast the airwaves with publicity about how this fall will be their best season ever. One famous TV series creator was observed by dozens at the Peninsula hotel, yelling at his actress/singer (former?) girlfriend. It's a madhouse of ego, hype, and hysteria. Good times!
Monday, May 07, 2007
What is Your Daemon?
If you loved the book The Golden Compass, you'll enjoy their website at www.goldencompassmovie.com. There you can take a short quiz (click on the image above) to find out what your daemon is - that's the animal representation of your spirit that manifests into one shape after puberty. Daemons talk and are linked via an invisible thread to their human counterpart. They're one of author Philip Pullman's most amazing concepts in his award winning trilogy called His Dark Materials.
My daemon turned out to be Aesop, the ocelot. I'm gonna keep him!
Take the quiz! Better yet, read the book. It's usually in Young Adult or Teen sections of bookstores, but it's got a lot of very grown up things on its mind.
Thursday, April 26, 2007
LA Festival of Books
Dude! Life is busy right now. I have had scarcely a moment to vacuum and do laundry, let along post stuff here.
However, I'm not too busy to attend the Los Angeles Times Festival of Books, which will be on the UCLA campus this Saturday and Sunday. It's a madhouse of books, art, talks, panels, fresh food, and lots of people, all on the lovely UCLA campus in Westwood. This year they've got everyone from Kareen Abdul Jabar to Julie Andrews to Jim Lehrer.... to Joseph Wambaugh, James Ellroy, Ray Bradbury, Lee Iacocca, and Frank McCourt.
The Fest is free, but parking is not, so figure on $8 to park. Last year I ended up spending a lot more when I got a lithograph of an illustration by Garth Williams (one of my childhood faves) from "Cricket in Tims Square.
So LA denizens - go! I'll try to report back. More info here:
http://www.latimes.com/extras/festivalofbooks/
And here:
http://www.calendarlive.com/books/la-wk-festival26apr26,0,267803.story?coll=cl-books-features
Happy reading!
However, I'm not too busy to attend the Los Angeles Times Festival of Books, which will be on the UCLA campus this Saturday and Sunday. It's a madhouse of books, art, talks, panels, fresh food, and lots of people, all on the lovely UCLA campus in Westwood. This year they've got everyone from Kareen Abdul Jabar to Julie Andrews to Jim Lehrer.... to Joseph Wambaugh, James Ellroy, Ray Bradbury, Lee Iacocca, and Frank McCourt.
The Fest is free, but parking is not, so figure on $8 to park. Last year I ended up spending a lot more when I got a lithograph of an illustration by Garth Williams (one of my childhood faves) from "Cricket in Tims Square.
So LA denizens - go! I'll try to report back. More info here:
http://www.latimes.com/extras/festivalofbooks/
And here:
http://www.calendarlive.com/books/la-wk-festival26apr26,0,267803.story?coll=cl-books-features
Happy reading!
Monday, April 16, 2007
Santa Anita Derby
Ventured off to Santa Anita to watch the ponies run. For $5 general admission, it's hard to beat the spectacle of beautiful horses ripping down a track at 40 mph. As you can see from my fabulous (if I do say so myself) photo above, King of the Roxy was in the lead in the Derby as they neared the finish line. But longshot Tiago came roaring up behind him to win the day.
Santa Anita is a beautiful track. Because it was Derby day, it was packed with all sorts of people, from hardened old-timers to families with babies. My only complaint was that the food was terrible and difficult to find. Long lines just to get a Diet Coke led to thirst problems and interfered with betting.
Had trouble fitting everyone in to this photo because I brought my wonderful telephoto lens (thanks, Randy!) so I could capture the faraway action on the track. Valerie peeks in on the left, then Mike, Kim, and Maria at the top right.
Maria did a better job of getting us all in the frame. Me, Val, Mike, and Kim. Valerie had a great run of picking winners, and this was her first time at the track. Beginner's luck, gosh darn it.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
So It Goes
Farewell to a terrific writer and an even better human being. Kurt Vonnegut died last night of injuries from a fall at the age of 84.
His own words serve as a better epitaph than I could conjur. As the New York Times said, his philosophy may best be summed up by these words from his 1965 novel, God Bless You Mr. Rosewater or Pearls Before Swine:
“Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It’s hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It’s round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you’ve got about a hundred years here. There’s only one rule that I know of, babies — ‘God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.’ ”
As a writer, I find the advice below, which he wrote about how to write short stories, of great value:
1. Use the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted.
2. Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for.
3. Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water.
4. Every sentence must do one of two things — reveal character or advance the action.
5. Start as close to the end as possible.
6. Be a sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them — in order that the reader may see what they are made of.
7. Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.
8. Give your readers as much information as possible as soon as possible. To heck with suspense. Readers should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could finish the story themselves, should cockroaches eat the last few pages.
God Bless You, Mr. Vonnegut.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
More Dating Tips
Yes, more delicious, juicy dating tips! Single? Take note! Married? Smugly remind yourself how great it is NOT to be dating.
The same caveat applies as to my previous dating tips post - I'm a woman who dates men, so this advice is slanted in that direction. But with a little imagination, you can apply some of these tips to women.
1. Don't lovingly describe another woman's breasts and nipples during a first date. In fact, it's best to avoid the word "nipples" entirely. No, you are not showing me how sensual you are. You're being an insensitive bonehead. How would you like it if I babbled on and on about another man's fabulous penis?
Yes, this happened to me. If it hadn't, giving this advice would never have occurred to me.
2. If you're interested in someone at work, do not secretly hover behind them as they read their email. You'll be caught, and you'll seem creepy. If caught, do not then say "I didn't mean to read your email over your shoulder." I know that what you really didn't mean to do was get caught doing it. In addition, do not then use the information thus gleaned to start a conversation with the object of your interest. As in, "I didn't mean to snoop, but I couldn't help seeing you were reading an email from the University of Chicago alumni association. I grew up in Chicago!"
3. Men, open the door for your female date. Yes, feminists like this. It's considerate. Take any opportunity to show thoughtfulness.
4. Men, walk your date to her car at the end of the date.
5. Men, if you're lucky enough to have spent some intimate time with a woman in your apartment and she decides to leave after the festivities are over, haul your ass into some pants and walk her out to her car. Do not blink at her sleepily from your door, wave at her vaguely, then slam it shut and double lock it, leaving her in the dark to find her way past vagrants through puddles and rain, to a cold car. If you wish to have a follow up date with her, try to be as considerate and thoughtful as possible.
6. In that vein, as you wish her goodbye from her car, ask her to call you when she gets home "To be sure you get home safely." This is not required, but I highly recommend it. She'll call you when she gets home, you'll have another few minutes of sweet conversation, and you'll have endeared yourself to her for all eternity.
The same caveat applies as to my previous dating tips post - I'm a woman who dates men, so this advice is slanted in that direction. But with a little imagination, you can apply some of these tips to women.
1. Don't lovingly describe another woman's breasts and nipples during a first date. In fact, it's best to avoid the word "nipples" entirely. No, you are not showing me how sensual you are. You're being an insensitive bonehead. How would you like it if I babbled on and on about another man's fabulous penis?
Yes, this happened to me. If it hadn't, giving this advice would never have occurred to me.
2. If you're interested in someone at work, do not secretly hover behind them as they read their email. You'll be caught, and you'll seem creepy. If caught, do not then say "I didn't mean to read your email over your shoulder." I know that what you really didn't mean to do was get caught doing it. In addition, do not then use the information thus gleaned to start a conversation with the object of your interest. As in, "I didn't mean to snoop, but I couldn't help seeing you were reading an email from the University of Chicago alumni association. I grew up in Chicago!"
3. Men, open the door for your female date. Yes, feminists like this. It's considerate. Take any opportunity to show thoughtfulness.
4. Men, walk your date to her car at the end of the date.
5. Men, if you're lucky enough to have spent some intimate time with a woman in your apartment and she decides to leave after the festivities are over, haul your ass into some pants and walk her out to her car. Do not blink at her sleepily from your door, wave at her vaguely, then slam it shut and double lock it, leaving her in the dark to find her way past vagrants through puddles and rain, to a cold car. If you wish to have a follow up date with her, try to be as considerate and thoughtful as possible.
6. In that vein, as you wish her goodbye from her car, ask her to call you when she gets home "To be sure you get home safely." This is not required, but I highly recommend it. She'll call you when she gets home, you'll have another few minutes of sweet conversation, and you'll have endeared yourself to her for all eternity.
Friday, March 30, 2007
Don't Play With Fire, Knuckleheads!
Apparently a bunch of teenagers playing with fireworks are the idiotic arsonists who set the Hollywood Hills ablaze today, not far from where I work. This photo was taken using my phone camera from my boss's office window. That's the Warner Bros. water tower hovering above the rest of the studio lot, soundstages, offices, and smoke.Fortunately, our heroic firefighters have the thing under control, but as I speak, my office's normally antiseptic air smells like smoke. Ash falls from the sky. Traffic snarls. Asthmatics wheeze. Small animals die in the brush thanks to some clueless kids.
Just the usual apocalyptic fun here in Los Angeles.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Wyrdstuff Wobbles to Its Feet
A new production company has launched - Wyrd Productions, and they've got a blog that covers everything in the world of sci fi, fantasy, horror, comics, and games. Http://wyrdstuff.com. They're still working out the technical kinks, but it's looking pretty good already.
Full disclosure: I post for them under the mysterious name "Nina." And the company was started up by a group of my friends, all talented filmmakers. With many updates every day, it's chock full of interesting info on all things Wyrd.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
New (Creative) Job
I can't blog too much about my work, but I did want to post that I started a new job yesterday. I'm now working in development at Horizon Scripted Television, which develops and runs shows for second tier cable. (For you non-TV types, that means networks like FX, TNT, Lifetime, Sci-Fi)
Can't discuss details. Wouldn't want to endanger my fabulous new gig by giving away secrets! But it's exciting to be back in the midst of a creative swirl of energy. I felt this way when I worked with the writers on "Married... With Children." Scripts everywhere, writers and directors coming in for meetings, agents schmoozing...
Ah Hollywood. So fabulous. So annoying. So creative. So insane.
Can't discuss details. Wouldn't want to endanger my fabulous new gig by giving away secrets! But it's exciting to be back in the midst of a creative swirl of energy. I felt this way when I worked with the writers on "Married... With Children." Scripts everywhere, writers and directors coming in for meetings, agents schmoozing...
Ah Hollywood. So fabulous. So annoying. So creative. So insane.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Dating Tips
I've been out on a few dates lately, and I have some tips for success.
I'm going to try not to make this gender specific, so I didn't title this post Dating Tips for Men. Much of this will apply to both sexes. But, because I'm a woman and have dated a few very nice men recently who seem clueless about a few dating basics, this may have a bit of a slant. C'est la vie.
1. Don't talk about your ex. In particular, don't talk about her for 45 minutes, mentioning frequently how "passionate" your relationship was, how you wanted to marry her and blend your families, and how you only broke up a month ago. After all that don't tell me you're over her and ready to move on. I know better, and I've already moved on.
2. Don't ask your date "Why are you still single?" in an accusatory tone. This makes your date defensive and prone to say things like "Well, you're single too." In particular, don't follow up with a tale about how everyone who is single at your age has must have major issues or they wouldn't still be single. Would rather go on a date with a married woman?
3. Don't practically force your date to valet park when she'd rather find free street parking. In particular, don't tell her that you'll pay for valet parking and then not pay for it. Also, don't "get a ride" to your car from the valet in your date's car just so you can get her in the car alone and make a move on her, especially after you haven't paid for the valet. Your date saw through your ploy from the beginning and caved because you were just so transparent. Also, if you are a man and get in a woman's car at the end of the first date, she is going to pretend to be nice until you get out and shut the door, no matter what she thinks of you, just in case you turn psycho.
4. A date should be fun. Don't spend fifteen minutes bitching about how crowded and horrible a location is. Don't get morose about the horrific state of the world. Repeat this to yourself - dating should be fun! Your attitude has everything to do with it.
5. Don't call your date early the next morning, telling her how amazing the date was after she dodged your kiss and ran off at high speed the night before. Wait at least until the afternoon or evening to call. That way you seem only hapless rather than desperate.
6. Listen. Interrupt the monologue on your amazing accomplishments with occasional questions for your date. Actually pay attention to what she is saying. Share information rather than lecturing.
7. Don't email headless, shirtless photos of yourself to your date before you've met her. Or even right after you've met her. Save that for later. If there is a later.
8. Don't text your date every five seconds as you are on your way to the date. Don't text other dates during your date. Don't answer your phone. In fact, turn off the phone. If you can't because you are expecting a call, explain this to your date so she is prepared. If you must take a call, keep it quick, apologize the way you wish politicians would when they're caught, and don't do it again.
9. Relax. There are a lot of fish in the sea.
I'm going to try not to make this gender specific, so I didn't title this post Dating Tips for Men. Much of this will apply to both sexes. But, because I'm a woman and have dated a few very nice men recently who seem clueless about a few dating basics, this may have a bit of a slant. C'est la vie.
1. Don't talk about your ex. In particular, don't talk about her for 45 minutes, mentioning frequently how "passionate" your relationship was, how you wanted to marry her and blend your families, and how you only broke up a month ago. After all that don't tell me you're over her and ready to move on. I know better, and I've already moved on.
2. Don't ask your date "Why are you still single?" in an accusatory tone. This makes your date defensive and prone to say things like "Well, you're single too." In particular, don't follow up with a tale about how everyone who is single at your age has must have major issues or they wouldn't still be single. Would rather go on a date with a married woman?
3. Don't practically force your date to valet park when she'd rather find free street parking. In particular, don't tell her that you'll pay for valet parking and then not pay for it. Also, don't "get a ride" to your car from the valet in your date's car just so you can get her in the car alone and make a move on her, especially after you haven't paid for the valet. Your date saw through your ploy from the beginning and caved because you were just so transparent. Also, if you are a man and get in a woman's car at the end of the first date, she is going to pretend to be nice until you get out and shut the door, no matter what she thinks of you, just in case you turn psycho.
4. A date should be fun. Don't spend fifteen minutes bitching about how crowded and horrible a location is. Don't get morose about the horrific state of the world. Repeat this to yourself - dating should be fun! Your attitude has everything to do with it.
5. Don't call your date early the next morning, telling her how amazing the date was after she dodged your kiss and ran off at high speed the night before. Wait at least until the afternoon or evening to call. That way you seem only hapless rather than desperate.
6. Listen. Interrupt the monologue on your amazing accomplishments with occasional questions for your date. Actually pay attention to what she is saying. Share information rather than lecturing.
7. Don't email headless, shirtless photos of yourself to your date before you've met her. Or even right after you've met her. Save that for later. If there is a later.
8. Don't text your date every five seconds as you are on your way to the date. Don't text other dates during your date. Don't answer your phone. In fact, turn off the phone. If you can't because you are expecting a call, explain this to your date so she is prepared. If you must take a call, keep it quick, apologize the way you wish politicians would when they're caught, and don't do it again.
9. Relax. There are a lot of fish in the sea.
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