Wednesday, April 04, 2007

More Dating Tips

Yes, more delicious, juicy dating tips! Single? Take note! Married? Smugly remind yourself how great it is NOT to be dating.

The same caveat applies as to my previous dating tips post - I'm a woman who dates men, so this advice is slanted in that direction. But with a little imagination, you can apply some of these tips to women.

1. Don't lovingly describe another woman's breasts and nipples during a first date. In fact, it's best to avoid the word "nipples" entirely. No, you are not showing me how sensual you are. You're being an insensitive bonehead. How would you like it if I babbled on and on about another man's fabulous penis?

Yes, this happened to me. If it hadn't, giving this advice would never have occurred to me.

2. If you're interested in someone at work, do not secretly hover behind them as they read their email. You'll be caught, and you'll seem creepy. If caught, do not then say "I didn't mean to read your email over your shoulder." I know that what you really didn't mean to do was get caught doing it. In addition, do not then use the information thus gleaned to start a conversation with the object of your interest. As in, "I didn't mean to snoop, but I couldn't help seeing you were reading an email from the University of Chicago alumni association. I grew up in Chicago!"

3. Men, open the door for your female date. Yes, feminists like this. It's considerate. Take any opportunity to show thoughtfulness.

4. Men, walk your date to her car at the end of the date.

5. Men, if you're lucky enough to have spent some intimate time with a woman in your apartment and she decides to leave after the festivities are over, haul your ass into some pants and walk her out to her car. Do not blink at her sleepily from your door, wave at her vaguely, then slam it shut and double lock it, leaving her in the dark to find her way past vagrants through puddles and rain, to a cold car. If you wish to have a follow up date with her, try to be as considerate and thoughtful as possible.

6. In that vein, as you wish her goodbye from her car, ask her to call you when she gets home "To be sure you get home safely." This is not required, but I highly recommend it. She'll call you when she gets home, you'll have another few minutes of sweet conversation, and you'll have endeared yourself to her for all eternity.

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