Garans Ball-Barans!

I've always loved garans ball-barans, an exclamation unique to Hawaii. I have no idea where it came from, but it whisks me instantly back to fourth grade, and walks to the store to pick up a manapua (that's a local type of dim sum) or some candy after school.

Yeah, I'm going home to Hawaii for Christmas. Take a look at Santa below. Soon, that'll be me.

My Dad sent me a local Hawaiian style take on "The Night Before Christmas." If you've ever been to the islands, you'll get it. If you haven't, there's a glossary for the pidgen terms and phrases that you might find helpful at the end.

Mele Kalikimaka li' dat!
Was da night bafo' Christmas - DaKine Local Style Story

Was da night bafo' Christmas, and all ova' da place,
Not even da geckos was showin' their face.
Da stockings was hangin' on top da TV
('Cause no mo' fireplace in Hawai'i)
Da kids stay all crashed, my old man too.
They leave all da work for you-know-who.

So me, I stay pickin' up alla their toys,
When - boom! - outside get only big noise!
I run to da window, I open 'em up,
I stick out my head and I yell, "Eh! Whassup?!"
And then, I no can ba-lieve what I seen!
Was so unreal, you know what I mean?

This fat haole guy get his reindeers in my yard!
And reindeers not housebroken, you know, as' why hard!
But nemmind, this Christmas, so I cut 'em some slack
Plus, had uku pile presents pokin' outta his sack!
So I wait 'till he pau tie up his reindeer,
Then I yell out da window, "Huui! Brah, ova hea!"

An' I tell 'em first thing, when I open da door,
"Eh, Hemo your shoes! You going dirty my floor!"
He take off his boots, he tell, "You know who I am?"
I go, "Ho! From the smell, must be Mr. Toe Jam!"
He make mempachi eyes and he go, "Ho, ho, ho!"
By now, I stay thinking this guy kinda slow!

He look like my Tutu, but little less weight,
And his beard stay so white, mo' white than shark bait!
He stay all in red, specially his nose,
And get reindeer spit on top his nice clothes!
But him, he no care; he just smile at me,
And he start fo' put presents unda-neath da tree.

I tell 'em, "Eh, brah, no need make li'dat,
And watch where you step! You going ma-ke da cat!"
Then, out from his bag, he pull one brand new computah,
Choke video games, and one motorized scootah!
He try for fill up da Christmas socks too,
But had so much pukas, all da stuff when fall troo.

When he pau, I tell 'em, "Eh Santa, try wait!
I get plenty leftovahs, I go make you one plate!"
But he nevah like hang, he had so much fo' do;
Gotta make all them small kids' wishes come true.
So I wave 'em goodbye, and I flash 'em da shaka,
And I tell 'em, "Mele Kalikimaka!"

When he hear that, he stop... and I telling you true,
He go, "Garans ball-barans! Merry Christmas to you!"

Mele Kalikimaka!

Glossary:
Da kine – the thing, the type of thing, a sort of, a, the (DaKine Local Style Story = a sort of Hawaiian-type story)
Local style – how it’s done in Hawaii
Bafo’ - before
‘as why – That’s why
da – the
seen - see
nemmind – nevermind
pau – finished, done
haole – white person, not necessarily derogatory, literally “foreigner” in Hawaiian
Huui – exclamation
Brah – sir, madam, hey you, form of address, can be either friendly or unfriendly, depending on tone
Uku – payment, tribute, reward
Hemo – take off
Stay – (I.e., “he stay all in red”) – remain, exist, was
Li’ dat – like that
Ma-ke (pronounced mah-kay) – kill, dead
Choke – excellent, top notch
Troo - through
Shaka – hang loose (a hand gesture where thumb and pinkie stick out and other three fingers are closed into the fist.)
Try wait – hang on a second
Puka – hole
Tutu – Auntie
Mempachi – a type of fish
Garans ball-barans – exclamation of wonder or delight